This is something I struggle with. I always dwell on the one negative moment in an otherwise positive intearaction. I love your tips at the end, especially fact-checking yourself!
I have the same problem :) Very happy to hear you found the tips useful though. Even a little boosted awareness for the kinds of biases I have helps me balance things out a little more.
I can very much relate to your story. Interesting to see the data supports this getting worse with age, as that aligns well with my experience. It's one of the reasons I barely drink alcohol anymore (not that I was a big drinker anyway) - because the rumination on things I might've said that were taken the wrong way was lasting too long after any social event to be worth it. Really appreciate the practical tips you give here on this - thanks Erman!
Very glad you've found a way to reduce those ruminations with cutting alcohol. The risk of rumination for me is more of a life constant, so I generally have to find attention/perception-based strategies for keeping it in check. Not always easy but I think the greater awareness of negative memory biases will help!
I find that many clients are seeking to be perfectly accurate in their interpreations of social events. It can thus feel very strange to err mildly on the 'positive' side. But as perfect accuracy is unachievable in the realm of interpersonal perception, cultivating a mild positivity bias (or, 'learned social optimism') is a worthwile approach.
This is something I struggle with. I always dwell on the one negative moment in an otherwise positive intearaction. I love your tips at the end, especially fact-checking yourself!
I have the same problem :) Very happy to hear you found the tips useful though. Even a little boosted awareness for the kinds of biases I have helps me balance things out a little more.
I can very much relate to your story. Interesting to see the data supports this getting worse with age, as that aligns well with my experience. It's one of the reasons I barely drink alcohol anymore (not that I was a big drinker anyway) - because the rumination on things I might've said that were taken the wrong way was lasting too long after any social event to be worth it. Really appreciate the practical tips you give here on this - thanks Erman!
Very glad you've found a way to reduce those ruminations with cutting alcohol. The risk of rumination for me is more of a life constant, so I generally have to find attention/perception-based strategies for keeping it in check. Not always easy but I think the greater awareness of negative memory biases will help!
I find that many clients are seeking to be perfectly accurate in their interpreations of social events. It can thus feel very strange to err mildly on the 'positive' side. But as perfect accuracy is unachievable in the realm of interpersonal perception, cultivating a mild positivity bias (or, 'learned social optimism') is a worthwile approach.