how do u get over feeling lonely despite attending many social events? i feel the loneliest whenever im around many people/after a social event because i feel like, despite the time and effort i put in into making a connection, they still fail to understand me.
That's a great question and I can relate to the feeling. There are many ways to build social connection and it's best to go with what makes you feel comfortable and happy. If you're introverted, busy social events might not be the best place to connect with people, and small groups/1-on-1s might be ideal (I'm in this boat). On the other hand, if you're high in extraversion, busy social events can be great but perhaps you haven't found the right crowd yet. You could explore groups who are coming together around some common interest so you relate to people better (Meetup is good for this).
It really comes down to why you feel people don't understand you and what your preferred social environment is. Avoiding loneliness doesn't necessarily mean having many friends, it can mean having one or two very good friends who you see or talk to regularly.
Hope that's helpful but please let me know if I've missed the point or you have another question!
Loneliness, like all emotional states are ambient and blurry, so it's never the same from person to person and so it's hard to find its direct causes/effects. When you try to reason for why loneliness would increase mortality you can find a few hypotheses, less caregiving from others, weaker immune system from less interpersonal contact, a diminished mental state that weakens your high-level functioning. Regardless, if we can discover the way loneliness results in death we can derive intermediate actions to remove those morbidities.
The only question is whether that's a good idea. Our body aches when you put it the wrong way, burns over a flame, stings in the bitter cold and loneliness crushes you—for good reason. You're not meant to live alone, and as morbid as it sounds, I think it's "good" loneliness increases your mortality because perhaps that's the signal for individuals to take personal action and public health officials to create policy.
On a personal note, I've "overcome loneliness" recently. I've never had friends but I've been journalling and crafting a solitary life and I no longer feel loneliness even though I'm alone. I wonder if I'd be privy to those same morbidity factors you mentioned. Nonetheless great article and very well written!
Thank you for reading and for your interesting comment. I suspect the morbidity effects go hand in hand with experienced suffering (e.g. emotional pain). When people feel comfortable and happy with a solitary life, longevity risks are probably lower though they may not be completely gone (for example, less access to social caregiving when sick could be a health risk as you mention). As you highlight, there are really 2 solutions to loneliness:
1. Meet more people and make more friends
2. Find happiness and comfort in a solitary life
Both will reduce feelings of loneliness, though the second is harder for most people given that humans have evolved to be social.
how do u get over feeling lonely despite attending many social events? i feel the loneliest whenever im around many people/after a social event because i feel like, despite the time and effort i put in into making a connection, they still fail to understand me.
That's a great question and I can relate to the feeling. There are many ways to build social connection and it's best to go with what makes you feel comfortable and happy. If you're introverted, busy social events might not be the best place to connect with people, and small groups/1-on-1s might be ideal (I'm in this boat). On the other hand, if you're high in extraversion, busy social events can be great but perhaps you haven't found the right crowd yet. You could explore groups who are coming together around some common interest so you relate to people better (Meetup is good for this).
It really comes down to why you feel people don't understand you and what your preferred social environment is. Avoiding loneliness doesn't necessarily mean having many friends, it can mean having one or two very good friends who you see or talk to regularly.
Hope that's helpful but please let me know if I've missed the point or you have another question!
Loneliness, like all emotional states are ambient and blurry, so it's never the same from person to person and so it's hard to find its direct causes/effects. When you try to reason for why loneliness would increase mortality you can find a few hypotheses, less caregiving from others, weaker immune system from less interpersonal contact, a diminished mental state that weakens your high-level functioning. Regardless, if we can discover the way loneliness results in death we can derive intermediate actions to remove those morbidities.
The only question is whether that's a good idea. Our body aches when you put it the wrong way, burns over a flame, stings in the bitter cold and loneliness crushes you—for good reason. You're not meant to live alone, and as morbid as it sounds, I think it's "good" loneliness increases your mortality because perhaps that's the signal for individuals to take personal action and public health officials to create policy.
On a personal note, I've "overcome loneliness" recently. I've never had friends but I've been journalling and crafting a solitary life and I no longer feel loneliness even though I'm alone. I wonder if I'd be privy to those same morbidity factors you mentioned. Nonetheless great article and very well written!
Thank you for reading and for your interesting comment. I suspect the morbidity effects go hand in hand with experienced suffering (e.g. emotional pain). When people feel comfortable and happy with a solitary life, longevity risks are probably lower though they may not be completely gone (for example, less access to social caregiving when sick could be a health risk as you mention). As you highlight, there are really 2 solutions to loneliness:
1. Meet more people and make more friends
2. Find happiness and comfort in a solitary life
Both will reduce feelings of loneliness, though the second is harder for most people given that humans have evolved to be social.