Forget Self-Help, Try Other-Help
The selfish benefits of unselfish acts
When we think about how to be happy, we often ask “How can I help myself?”. One less obvious question, and perhaps a far more important one, is “How can I help someone else?”. That might sound idealistic or naive, but it’s actually a great way to boost self-confidence and motivation. Helping others doesn’t just make them happier, it also makes us happier. When you need a boost in morale, your best bet may be to extend a hand to someone who needs it.
Help others to help yourself
Experiments in 2018 compared the effects of giving advice to receiving advice. In one study, the researchers recruited 300 middle-school kids, and asked half of them to read vocabulary advice from their teachers, while asking the other half to give vocabulary advice to younger students. After these advising sessions, the kids who gave advice spent more time studying to improve their own vocabulary. In other words, the act of giving advice motivated kids to do better themselves.
In a second experiment, the researchers recruited 700 adults to either offer or receive advice about issues such as finance, health, and work. Most people predicted that receiving advice would be more motivating than giving advice. And yet, over 70% of the group felt more motivated by giving advice at the end of the experiment.
Helping other people is motivating and productive because it instills you with a stronger sense of self-confidence. When other people value your advice, it makes you feel appreciated, and reminds you that you have important skills to share with the world.
How to help others
Take a moment to think about how you may be able to help people over the next few days. Remember that it’s not only for them, but also for you. Here are some examples you could try:
Be good company: Do you know anyone who may feel lonely or sad at the moment? One of the easiest ways to help another person is to simply offer them your company. They will then feel cared for, and you will experience the joy of spreading happiness.
Help others to achieve their goals: Have you reached a place in your life where you’re able to assist other people with achieving their ambitions? When we’re young, we look for people to help us, and appreciate their mentorship. But all too frequently, we forget to offer the same guidance to those who are less experienced than us in the future. Who could you help push to greater success?
Donate some of your time or money to a good cause: Find an organization (e.g. a charity or non-profit) that promotes principles you believe in. Are you able to volunteer your time or money to assist them? There’s great evidence that one of the happiest ways to use your money is to spend it on other people. So you can feel proud and happy at the same time by donating to altruistic causes.
Before the Bath (1929) By Károly Patkó - Fine Arts in Hungary: Public Domain
A poem about kindness
Poets capture human experiences better than anyone, and the experience of kindness is no exception. Here’s a great little poem from Edgar Albert Guest to prove it:
One never knows
How far a word of kindness goes;
One never sees
How far a smile of friendship flees.
Down, through the years,
The deed forgotten reappears.
One kindly word
The souls of many here has stirred.
Man goes his way
And tells with every passing day,
Until life's end:
"Once unto me he played the friend."
We cannot say
What lips are praising us to-day.
We cannot tell
Whose prayers ask God to guard us well.
But kindness lives
Beyond the memory of him who gives.
That final quote
Final words today go to Aesop:
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
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Erman Misirlisoy, PhD
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